I'm gonna say what i want...

Because who knows if this will ever be read anyways...

I'm still reeling from my trip to NC, where i went to visit my dad after not seeing him for the last 2 years. All these years i blamed his constant irritation, agitation & general lack of caring on the fact he worked. ALOT.

Now here he is, a retired VP from caterpillar tractors, enjoying ALL the luxuries of EXTEMELY upper middle class life, and he is as irritated as ever. While i was there, i was told to "fuck off", witnessed my stepmom being called a "slut" & spent 8 days being generally miserable.

I learned something, though..... How is it that other people can see my value, yet my OWN father cant??? I just dont understand how anyone could have a child & feel nothing. Not care. i spoke as little as possible & tried to preserve what little self-esteem is remaining, after losing my job in January & multiple health issues (due to massive stress) since.

I dont know anyone else whose father tells them that they look like "a $2- whore"..... It is verbal abuse at its most insidious & for that, i have to walk away. Essentially "disown" my father. ALL these years, i THOUGHT when he retired, it would get better...... I'm reeling from SUCH a blow of "losing" a parent that isnt even dead......

My 1st blog...

This is my 1st blog, as i've decided to reach out a bit to the "cyber-world".... I dont feel TOO comfortable blogging on MySpace or other forums, and i have alot of info. to share..... basically, this will become my own personal memoir for those that care to read....